funny disclaimer

The following email disclaimer was found in a mail to the mailing list
“full disclosure”.
Sounds funny to me 🙂

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***** IMPORTANT INFORMATION/DISCLAIMER *****

This document should be read only by those persons to whom it is addressed. If you have received this message it was obviously addressed to you and therefore you can read it, even it we didn’t mean to send it to you. However, if the contents of this email make no sense whatsoever then you probably were not the intended recipient, or, alternatively, you are a mindless cretin; either way, you should immediately kill yourself and destroy your computer (not necessarily in that order). Once you have taken this action, please contact us.. no, sorry, you can’t use your computer, because you just destroyed it, and possibly also committed suicide afterwards, but I am starting to digress……

The originator of this email is not liable for the transmission of the information contained in this communication. Or are they? Either way it’s a pretty dull legal query and frankly one I’m not going to dwell on. But should you have nothing better to do, please feel free to ruminate on it, and please pass on any concrete conclusions should you find them. However, if you pass them on via email, be sure to include a disclaimer regarding liability for transmission.

In the event that the originator did not send this email to you, then please return it to us and attach a scanned-in picture of your mother’s brother’s wife wearing nothing but a kangaroo suit, and we will immediately refund you exactly half of what you paid for the can of Whiskas you bought when you went to Pets At Home yesterday.

We take no responsibility for non-receipt of this email because we are running Exchange 5.5 and everyone knows how glitchy that can be. In the event that you do get this message then please note that we take no responsibility for that either. Nor will we accept any liability, tacit or implied, for any damage you may or may not incur as a result of receiving, or not, as the case may be, from time to time, notwithstanding all liabilities implied or otherwise, ummm, hell, where was I…umm, no matter what happens, it is NOT, and NEVER WILL BE, OUR FAULT!

The comments and opinions expressed herein are my own and NOT those of my employer, who, if he knew I was sending emails and surfing the seamier side of the Internet, would cut off my manhood and feed it to me for afternoon tea.

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